The Reality of Player Development: A Note for Parents and Players

 

A common challenge for grassroots hockey clubs and coaches is managing conversations with parents around the following concerns:

• "Why is my player training with a weaker group? They're bored and not being challenged. It was waste of time coming to practise today and they have now lost their motivation"

• "My player doesn’t have strong enough teammates to play with, and it’s affecting their development. They deserve better linemates to help them improve"

• "My player needs to be pushed harder to make it to Showcase, England, or GB."

• We pay a lot of money for our child to play hockey, they should be getting better opportunities than they are currently offered"

• "Why aren't we more competitive in our games? My player is too good for this level"

While these comments are understandable, many stem from unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings about development, or the pressure of wanting (or wanting them) to be the next Liam Kirk. Parents often expect quick results, but development in hockey is a long-term process, with each player growing at their own pace. It can be frustrating to watch others develop faster, but hockey, like any sport, requires patience, hard work, and trust in the process.

The Misconception of Coaching and Player Pathways

A common misconception is that coaching or simply being in a "development pathway" is enough to improve and/or progress players to elite levels. Lately, the relationship between players, parents, and coaches has become increasingly one-sided, with many expecting coaches or clubs to handle all development while the player takes little responsibility. Some view the coach or club as a machine that will automatically produce elite athletes if fees are paid and the player attends.

This mindset lowers tolerance for coaching methods, with quick fixes expected for every issue. In reality, development is a shared effort. When players feel they're "too good" for a group, their motivation can fade, impacting the entire team. This frustration can lead to "club shopping," - players and/or parents believing the solution lies in a new team or a more competitive environment but the same problems usually resurface after the initial novelty wears off.

Who’s Responsible for Development?

In hockey, we often talk about "coachability," but it goes beyond just being polite or respectful (though those are important attributes too). True coachability is defined by a player's commitment and resilience. Over two decades of coaching, I’ve seen that the athletes who reach the top don’t just rely on their talent; they push through challenges without blaming others when progress slows. They own their development.

Coaches only spend 2-3 hours a week with players during the season, so there’s a limit to how much of those values we can instil in that time. If parents aren’t reinforcing values like hard work, commitment, and resilience, it becomes difficult to truly develop a player. It’s crucial for parents to help their children understand that setbacks and challenges are part of the journey. Rather than pointing fingers at external factors like coaches, teammates, practise structure etc, the parents should help hold a mirror to their players and get them think about what they can control and where they can improve instead.

This mindset is what makes players coachable and often distinguishes recreational athletes from elite ones and is fantastically demonstrated by Robin Van Persie talking about his son’s development in football.

Players Who Succeed Focus on Hard Work, Not Complaints

Look at any successful player, and you’ll see one common trait: they didn’t complain about playing with weaker teammates or demand special treatment. They worked hard regardless of the situation, always making the best of it. They took every opportunity to get more training or game time, always trying their hardest and giving their best. This consistent effort not only drove their own improvement but uplifted and pulled along their entire team through their attitude and body language. They are propelled by their passion, enthusiasm and love for the game, not status or whether they are always playing and training with the "right players". The players who embrace this mindset stand out and without exception see better results on the scoreboard too.

How Players Can Maximise Their Opportunities

Here are three key areas where players can make the most of their development opportunities along with three great insights from Geno Auriemma (a highly successful American College basketball coach with great views on player development  - links to YouTube videos):

1. Effort Equals Results

You tend to get the results you deserve. If you put in mediocre effort, you can expect mediocre results. Players who want to be the best must work harder than anyone else. Elite performance isn’t just about talent; it’s about the willingness to outwork everyone around you. Both hockey and life are full of injustices, big and small. But the players who succeed are the ones who embrace hard work, no matter the circumstances. Instead of blaming external factors, they focus on what they can control—their own effort. If you only work hard when everything is ideal, you’re missing valuable opportunities to grow.

Geno Auriemma How Success Happens School Grades   

2. Never Shy Away from Hard Work

If a player is only willing to work their hardest when they think they are in the right group or the right set up or the right game or the right team and that the rest of the time they can coast, or go slower and not train the best they can, then it is not reasonable to expect a great outcome. As Coach Auriemma points out, those who succeed are the ones who work hard, regardless of the circumstances. That mindset of resilience and hard work is the foundation of both individual and team success.

Coach Geno Auriemma reveals $100 bill motivational drill 

3. Body Language Matters

Body language plays a huge role in shaping your and your teammates mindsets. Think about the signals you're sending—not only to others, but also to yourself. There's a reason professional teams and coaches put so much importance on it. Ask yourself: why should it be any different for you? If you can’t find a good reason, it might be time to reassess how you present yourself, especially when things get tough.

Body Language Matters – Geno Auriemma on body language and the type of players he recruits 

Questions for Parents to Reflect On

Before approaching a coach to request more challenging training or games, consider asking yourself the following questions:

1. Is your player always working hard at training and games or do they sometimes take it easy when they think that they are not being challenged enough?
2. Do they always bring that positive mindset and do they own their development rather than expect someone else to do it for them?
3. Is their motivation to play and train linked to status (e.g. a group that they train with) or is it genuinely driven by their enthusiasm and love for the game and willingness to improve?
4. Are they consistently dominant at training and games in comparison to the opposition and their teammates?

99% of the time the answer is not in pushing for more challenging training and games, playing with better players, or expecting someone else to change the training set up so that they can succeed faster. Hold up that mirror to your player and focus on instilling the values of hard work, commitment, and resilience instead. 

These traits will take your player much further in hockey—and in life—than any short-term change in training groups or competition levels ever could.